By Joseph Carducci
1. Sending woman money: This is a huge no-no. Any Ukrainian woman who asks you for money is just trying to scam you. She will either bleed you until you are dry (if she is very slick) or just disappear after a quick score (if you are lucky). An honest woman would not ask; she has too much pride. Besides, she has already lived for 20+ years without your "help." Why does she need you now? A Russian woman does not even consider the two of you to be in a "real" relationship until you have met in person! Would you give money to a western women that you had just met? Would you ask her for money? Think about it. It is just not smart and sets you up for trouble (and makes the ladies think it is easy and encourages more of the same behavior).
2. Not being prepared to visit: You did know that in order to bring her over here as a fiancee, you must visit her, in her country? Yes, it is the only way she will be able to get a visa to come to any western or European country. For more details on the visa and immigration process consult your local immigration agency in your own country. Honestly, though, a ukrainian woman, if she is serious, will want to meet you. You must be ready and prepared to visit her at some point in the future. It has been my observation (by watching and talking with both western men and ukranian women) that a woman will generally give you about 6 months to decide you will visit. Then a few more months for you to get yourself over there. Make her wait longer than this and she will think you are not serious and probably move on to someone she thinks is! Just be ready: emotionally, physically, and monetarily.
3. Falling in love with a photo: Do not place too much emphasis on her photo. At least not until you know more details about her and her photos. Perhaps they are old. I once had a woman tell me her photos were over 2 years old! Her hair color and style was changed and it looked like she had gained about 20 pounds! Know what? It was my fault, because I did not ask her! Generally, the women of Ukraine look even better in person than in their photos—and that is a huge compliment! But not always, and you do not marry a photo, you marry a real person. Get to know her, what she thinks, how she thinks, her dreams, desires, passions, hobbies, etc… Try to understand (as they say in Russia) her inner world.
4. Focusing only on one woman: Bad idea. You may get lucky and find the woman you end up marrying right away. I do know some people that things worked out this way with. I also know some people who won the lottery! Do not bet on this happening. You need to get over the idea of being a gentleman. This is, in it's most basic sense, a numbers game. I heard it said that only 4% of US-Russian relationships are successful. With that in mind you will have to date and meet 25 ladies on average before finding your wife. This was indeed true in my case. I met over 150 ladies in person, and actively dated around 30 of them. Hopefully you will not need to go through this many. If you hang around at my site, read my articles, manuals, and use my consulting services, I guarantee you a heck of a lot better results! Writing/dating only one woman at a time is a bad idea. If it doesn't work out with her, than you are back at ground zero and have nothing. You have to start all over again. Not to mention the time that you have wasted, and the money if you actually took a trip to meet her in person. We all want to believe in love at first sight, but many times you look at someone and she looks at you and you know immediately it is just not going to work. Sure, sometimes it goes perfectly, but will you gamble 3-4 months of your life and several thousand dollars on a trip to Russia just to find that out!? Most guys who are involved in this process (statistically speaking) are in their mid-upper 40's…and most of the ladies are in their mid-upper 20's. Do you have the time to waste? She probably does, but you need to be in contact with several women at any given time. Even if only for comparison purposes.
5. Not doing your proper research: By this I mean finding an honest and reliable dating or marriage agency, finding out all you can about your woman, learning about the geography, history, culture and language of the country she is from. These are all crucial to your success. You need to find an honest service. Then you need to educate yourself on other ways of contacting your woman. This will continue to ensure that your agency is honest, and that you are indeed writing to a real woman! Without doing your research you are just placing your bets (paying your money) and taking your chances.
6. Sending her the wrong photos: You do not need to send her photos of your house, car or other prized possession. If you do, I guarantee you will attract the wrong type of woman. An honest woman from the ukraine is more concerned about your heart than she is about your possessions. If you focus on your money and things, she will probably assume you are a shallow and insecure person. Focusing on your possessions only seems to work on western women, the most shallow and insecure women in the world! This is not America, you do not need to impress these ladies with things! Show them your sensitive side, what you like to do, how you think and feel.
7. Thinking she is just after a visa: Then again if you thought this way, would you really be interested in writing her in the first place? Unless you were just interested in a business relationship type of marriage. She wants love and respect, not a free ride to the west! Would you be interested in moving thousands of miles away from home, leaving all your family and friends, learning a new language, just to improve your standard of living? Neither does she. She does not want a savior, she wants a husband!
8. Thinking she will be your trophy wife: These ladies are tough as nails. They have to deal with drunk husbands/boyfriends who think nothing about going out and finding a mistress, don't want to support their family (so she goes out to work), and generally most of the decisions and hard choices fall to the ladies. She will show you her claws if she thinks you are using her just as a "trophy wife." Find someone to be your lover, wife, and equal partner, not someone you can dominate and control. For most men, I would say that even if they tried it would not be possible to control a Russian or Ukrainian woman anyway—she is strong-willed and fiercely independent.
9. Not asking her questions: You are looking for a wife, not someone to just pass the time. Well, then again… Seriously, these are serious and honest women (for the most part) and they deserve the same respect. Besides, if you do not ask her questions to find out more about her, her family, dreams, goals, etc… she will sooner or later figure out that you are not serious. Then she will dump you, or just see what she can get out of you! If you are truly looking for a wife, you should be asking her all kinds of questions! Not only ask many different questions, but ask them several times in various ways, just to see if you get consistent answers (another good way to protect yourself from a scam).
10. Not having a back-up plan: This is a HUGE mistake! If you do eventually go over to ukraine, you never know what will happen. I once remarked to an agency owner that I had become friendly with, "the only thing I can count on happening here is something unexpected!" She laughed, but quickly agreed with me. I have been through an earthquake, watching the Twin Towers fall from a hotel room in Kiev, Ukraine, even being re-routed on a train for several hours due to a munitions dump explosion! And this does not even include all of the unexpected experiences I have had with the women themselves! I do not care how many letters you have exchanged or how many phone calls you have made, once you see her in person, things will change. Maybe you both look at each other and decide it will not work. Your back-up plan will protect you in this case. I do not advise making a trip just for one woman (unless you have already met). Meet several. Try to have good relations with at least one of the local agencies in the city you will be visiting (being on good terms with 2 or more is even better). Know their address and phone numbers. Then, if things don't work out, you will be able to contact the other agency and meet other women.
That's it. Keep these in mind as you progress in your search.
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